enjoy the quOtes~
Colin: You look great!
Abby Richter: Oh, just doing the dishes.
Mike: [From red band clip] You're all about comfort and efficiency!
Abby Richter: What's wrong with comfort and efficiency?
Mike: Well nothing, except no one wants to fuck it.
Abby Richter: My cat stepped on the remote.
Mike: Well, be sure to thank your pussy for me.
Mike: It's not for you, it's for your bean.
Mike: OK, we've gotta teach you flirting.
Abby Richter: I know how to flirt.
Mike: Oh, OK. "My name's Abby and I enjoy reading Tolstoy, taking long walks and romantic picnics." I don't think so.
Abby Richter: [grabs Mike's ass, imitating his voice] Hey baby, wearing any underwear?
Mike: Hey, I would never say that and I wouldn't grab ass.
Abby Richter: [still imitating him] What's wrong with a little ass grabbing, I mean what's it there for if not for me to grab it?
[she squeezes Mike's ass tightly which makes him wince in pain]
Mike: You are a deeply disturbed person.
Abby Richter: [normal voice] Maybe I'm just a really good student.
[Runs her hand down his chest and upper body]
Mike: Will you stop doing that?
Abby Richter: Doing what?
[still running her finger up and down his body]
Mike: Running your finger down... there... over me.
Abby Richter: Why, is it turning you on?
Mike: [forces a laugh as if to say "yeah right"] Maybe.
Abby Richter: [seductively] You know, I think I kinda like it.
Abby Richter: [leaning in, her face almost touching his] Sucker.
Mike: [annoyed] I knew it. That's it, no teaching the teacher.
Mike: [to Abby, on how to attract Colin] You have to be two people. The saint and the sinner. The librarian and the stripper.
Abby Richter: [Abby has just closed the door on Colin after Mike told her to keep the conversation under a minute] What now?
Mike: OK, that's good. Now, just let him suffer.
Abby Richter: OK
[gestures towards the door]
Abby Richter: . Suffer! Suffer!
Abby Richter: [gushing about Colin] He's such a great guy.
Mike: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, he's dreamy.
Abby Richter: And he ticks numbers 1 to 10 on my list.
Mike: Although, weren't points 1 to 9 pretty much about him being gay?
Colin: [Abby is on a date with Colin. Mike is relaying instructions to her via an earpiece] I'm used to women I can figure out in, like, five seconds. I can't do that with you.
Mike: [to Abby via earpiece] He's an idiot. I had you figured in two. Now say good night and stick your tits out.
Abby Richter: I am not desperate!
Abby Richter: Why, did you think I sounded desperate?
Mike: Listen to you. Desperately asking me if you sounded desperate?
Abby Richter: I love how you think every man is as perverse as you are.
Mike: Oh, I don't think. I know.
Mike: [about Colin] I'm going to make this guy your bitch.
Abby Richter: I don't want a bitch.
Mike: Rule #4: Never talk about your problems 'cause men don't really listen or care.
Abby Richter: Some men care!
Mike: No, some men pretend to care. When we ask "how you're doing" it's just guy code for "let me stick my dick in your ass".
Abby Richter: OOH!
Mike: I know you think Colin is above it but trust me he's a guy. He's even remotely into you he's probably thought about each of your orifices at least ten times.
Abby Richter: I love how you assume all men are perverse as you are!
Mike: Oh, I don't assume. I know.